At the end of January I made a terrifying and exciting decision.

I quit my job. 

Our childcare was changing and was going to go up considerably with just one kid and summer is on it's way despite Colorado not being up to speed with it. It's the April snow showers that bring our May flowers. So then our childcare was not only going to increase but double in a few short months.

I was nervous but also extremely excited. This is what I've wanted for the last 3-4 years, essentially since I had to go back to work after having the kids. Now, here we are... 2 months later and I'm not near as far as I'd like to be. I started off strong. Those first 2 weeks I crocheted my fingers off. Then I got... lazy? Or something. I'm not even sure what happened but honestly? I think I was simply self-sabatoging.

Humans are fascinating and utterly ridiculous creatures. Our brains, in an attempt to protect us, convince us of things that aren't true. In some cases we don't even realize it until it's an anxiety that consumes us and we feel like we'll never get out of the hole that our fear dug us.

I've started making some stairs, digging into the side of the hole I've found myself in. Some steps have been easy, others have been tough habits to break. I've deleted facebook and its messenger from my phone. I spent so much time under the guise of "catching up with friends & family" (not to mention the fact that there's a reason we don't stay close friends with some of these people). I also got rid of Pinterest. I was spending so much time trying to feel inspired and all it did was prevent me from actually working. Twitter also went but let's be honest I haven't checked twitter on a regular basis for years, haha.

Planning. Another stair in the side of the hole. Planning and sticking to it. Checking on my progress at least weekly. I had been doing well with that for several months as when I was working my lunch hour was usually spent with my planner and journal but without that bit of structure... I fell apart.

I guess all this to say... I'm back. I plan on blogging more often, especially since I've finally published my Bitten Designs Patreon and I'm going to show that little voice that it might be scary but it'll be worth it. To that voice- "I get you're trying to protect me but we need to make this work. We will make this work."

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